I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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