you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
