what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Randomize
