just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
Houston, we have a squirter
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
