Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
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