I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
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