Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
Randomize
