So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
Randomize