i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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