Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
