I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
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