I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Randomize
