I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Randomize
