Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
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