Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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