No awkward lesbian experiences without me
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
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