So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
