Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
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