I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
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