Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
And then the night went full on bisexual.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
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