you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
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