Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Randomize
