We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Randomize
