Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
