ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize
