just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Randomize
