Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
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