Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
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