Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
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