he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
Randomize
