Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
