I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Randomize
