try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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