U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
