i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
