we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Randomize
