I hope my margaritas pass through security.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
My vagina just recognized that song.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize
