My liver just broke up with me...
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
Randomize
