I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Randomize
