More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
