I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Randomize
