saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
