what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
Randomize
