are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
