Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
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