i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
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