Non-Jews are for practice
ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
I looked at my own cervix.
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
Randomize
