We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
