when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
i guess it's bad bediquette to quote the kool aid man
?
he said oh yeah and i responded with OHH YEAHHHHH!
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
Randomize
