first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
Edward fifth and chaser hands
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
Randomize
