Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
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