what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
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