I like to think it a success when the cops are called
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
