My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
Randomize
