Apparently you make a good broom.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
Randomize
