nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Randomize
