I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
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