I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
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