New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
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