Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize
