Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
