my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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