shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
I woke up under a house in Key West
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