He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
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