It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
