remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
